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He did it. He saved the 80′s in a hardback book and froze time in a bottle. When I heard Michael Galinsky talk about his book on Stuck in the 80′s it was only a matter of minutes before I ordered one online. That was over three months ago and I squealed like a little girl yesterday when I saw a book-sized box that the mailman left behind. The picture below is on one of the first few pages from the book. It might as well be a page from my past.The rest of the book is full of pictures just like that one: big hair, shirts tucked in, fluorescent colors. I can’t help it. I love seeing those old fashions and storefronts somewhere besides my dreams.

Christmas. You can almost hear sleigh bells until grandma goes into one of her coughing fits. It’s memories like this that make us shake our heads… and then nod our heads. God bless the goons at weird vintage everyday. I hope they never stop looking for these priceless moments.

Back in 2004 I was guaranteed one minute of international fame when this image popped up every afternoon at 5:43 on the human clock. I submitted the photo fifteen years ago after our trip to Europe. Jenny & I had dinner with friends last week. During our visit they told us about their recent trip to Ireland and Scotland, and had some cool vacation pics to show us. One picture had an outdoor laundromat with numbered machines. It reminded me of the human clock. I went back and found the account I created. There are some new additions to the website:
…an analog human clock
…a P.O. Box clock
…and a human calendar

The weather was good, the crowd wasn’t surly, and it was easy to find parking close to Main Street last Tuesday night for the Joplin Christmas Parade. When I met my family near 8th and Main, a young woman from ShowMe The Ozarks Magazine took my picture along with my step dad and brother-in-law. The woman asked each one of us for our names, and there was a slight moment of hesitation. Bert Convy. Flip Wilson. Abe Vigoda. I’ve held on to those old TV names like uncashed checks in my brain wallet since the 1970′s, and for a brief moment I wanted to see if their currency was still recognized. I imagined her taking our photos and names back to the office, and her editor saying “Wait a minute… why do those names sound familiar? Hey! Those guys are all DEAD!” It might have been the parade’s theme of Christmas Through the Decades that made me want to go back in time. I don’t know. We ended up giving our real names to the young photographer and then we cheered and waved when the high school band marched by. Sara (my niece) was playing the flute!

We ate, we gave thanks, and we made music on Thanksgiving. I can always count on playing my guitar when I stay in Joplin over the weekend, and if the timing is right there are other musicians who chime in. Jane and Sara, two of my nieces,  jammed with me on ukulele and casio Thursday night while Jenny, Mom, and Darla were cleaning up in the kitchen.

One time  I asked my grandma what it was like growing up on the farm & how far she had to ride the school bus. She answered: “School bus?!? I never heard of such nonsense! Sonny, in my day we either walked to school, or we rode the family TURKEY! And as you can see by this old photo, we were happy to do it!” Thanksgiving was a hit this year in Joplin. We took the saddle off the turkey, and cooked it until it was tender.

They called. He came. The Great Dog Summoning is one of my nephew’s latest drawings posted on instagram. It’s also one of the audio tracks he posted on soundcloud under the name Burial Gate. I love it when Reggie (my nephew) lets his imagination off the leash and conjures up nocturnal sounds and images. When the grass glows, and the dogs dance, I’ll know I’m either in a dream, or in one of Reggie’s drawings.

When the weather gets cold and Granny Smith apples turn crisp, I know that “apple baking day” is right around the corner. Jan and Jenny have been getting together to bake those apple pies, apple fritters, and apple dumplings for the last 17 years. It’s a tradition. A few of those years I got together with Jan’s husband, Jeremy. Depending on the weather we would either go to an arcade, a toy train store, or a friend’s house… we never could stick with one thing like our wives did.

He moves like a statue and he sounds like an uncle that just woke up. It has to be Steven Wright. I was flipping through youtube videos when I came across his 1990 HBO special, Wicker Chairs and Gravity. I couldn’t stop laughing. Here’s a partial transcript of the one liners:
“I’m staying in an old hotel, they sent me a wakeup letter.”
—
“One time I stayed in a hotel, the pool was on the 23rd floor… couldn’t believe how deep it was.”
—
“I was walking home one day, I accidentally fell asleep in somebody’s
satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TVs all over the world.”
—
“One time I went fishing with Salvador Dali… he was using a dotted line… he caught every other fish.”
—
“If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?”

Plug in a cable.
Flip a switch.
Push a button.
Check the audio levels.
In the simplest terms, this is how I make a podcast. Sometimes the editing process feels like I’m putting together a jigsaw puzzle, and when the computer slows down it feels like I’m watching a turtle race. Regardless of the metaphor, we are gaining ground and making headway on THE EPILOGUE CABIN. Here is a sneak preview of upcoming shows.