Monthly Archives: August 2019

I worked the midday shift at Homer’s yesterday for the first time since I cut my hours back to two days a week. It’s weird to think I used to work that shift every weekday for 4 years. It reminded me of that scene from Rumble Fish where Tom Waits’ character is working behind a counter and talking to himself, “When you’re young, you’re a kid, you got time, you got nothing but time. Throw away a couple of years, a couple of years there… it doesn’t matter. You know. The older you get you say, ‘Jesus, how much I got? I got thirty-five summers left.’ Think about it. Thirty-five summers.”

Yep, that’s Pablo Picasso in a minotaur mask circa 1949, and me wearing a latex horse head 4 years ago. I draw cartoons, Picasso created masterpieces, and apparently we both wear equine headgear– but that’s where our similarities end. Here’s some more info on Picasso according to weird vintage everyday: “Like the mythical bull-man, he was a big beast who could not be tamed and whose animal magnetism attracted women in droves. He carried them back into his labyrinth where he enjoyed them — but could he ever find his way out again? ‘The Minotaur keeps his women lavishly but he reigns by terror and they’re glad to see him killed,’ said Picasso.”

I never met John before yesterday, but when I realized we were wearing the same t-shirt, I had to say “hi!” He told me a story about the t-shirts we both had on. Apparently there is a sailboat crew aka the Delos Tribe, and they have circled the globe multiple times since 2008. They are always sailing around the world, and recording their adventures on youtube. Yesterday the crew was 45 miles away from Princess Alice Shoals in the North Atlantic (I think it’s off the coast of Portugal). Their trips are funded by fans. They sell merchandise (like my shirt) to supporters. John was surprised that I got my shirt for $5 at a thrift store. He said they usually cost $30-$70.

“Yes I can!” That’s my response when someone says-
You can’t park that thing here!
What are you doing?! You can’t climb into that dumpster!
There’s now way you’re gonna find a VHS copy of “Beaver Trilogy!”
You can’t drive a golf cart on two wheels!
Yes I did. Yes I can.

(inhales) yeah (exhales) I was disappointed when my entry wasn’t one of the top 10 tracks on KCRW’s 7th Annual Radio Race– but y’know what? I’m gonna keep on keepin’ on. That’s right, I’m gonna channel my inner geezer and keep plugging away, recording weird little stories like the one that got left on the audio heap two weeks ago. I got a million of ‘em. The hits just keep on coming.

We had a great time at the Boardroom with Todd and Michelle last Saturday. They are two of our oldest friends. I’ve known Todd since I was 13, and we both have known Michelle since college. We made plans to eat dinner and play board games a few weeks ago, and that’s exactly what happened. The first two games required brain power and strategy. The last one, Pass The Pigs, was pure fun and chance.The game has two tiny pigs that are rolled like dice. It’s like a craps game without the side bets. Scores depend on the different positions in which the pig dice land, but if you roll too many times you WILL pig out (crap out).

Like a distant echo from a forgotten retailer, the latest token of love for the dead mall is this: a collection of remixed mall music muzak! A friend that belongs to the Facebook group, Dead Mall Enthusiasts, sent me a link and said, “as a fellow dead mall lover, you may enjoy this.” I do. Here’s the first track.

Last week I got texts from one of my number neighbors. Everybody has two. They are the people whose phone numbers are one digit higher and one digit lower than you. They are also known as text door neighbors. This is how the original exchange went. When my neighbor wanted to know more personal information about me, I kindly suggested that they go bug the other neighbor on the north side.