Undying Love For Dead Malls

deadmallCOVERLike a distant echo from a forgotten retailer, the latest token of love for the dead mall is this: a collection of remixed mall music muzak! A friend that belongs to the Facebook group, Dead Mall Enthusiasts, sent me a link and said, “as a fellow dead mall lover, you may enjoy this.” I do. Here’s the first track.

Number Neighbor Sequel

numberneighborIILast week I got texts from one of my number neighbors. Everybody has two. They are the people whose phone numbers are one digit higher and one digit lower than you. They are also known as text door neighbors. This is how the original exchange went. When my neighbor wanted to know more personal information about me, I kindly suggested that they go bug the other neighbor on the north side.

Australia 1975

collarsandshortsSometimes checking social media is like turning knobs and pushing buttons on a time travel machine. Destination: Australia 1975! What’s with all the wrong combinations? Short sleeve shirts & ties? Ties & shorts? Shorts with socks pulled up to the knees? Well, actually I remember doing that from time to time. weird vintage everyday puts amazing old photos like this on Instagram. Imagine the kind of story you could make up about these two businessmen! I can see them being door to door salesmen, because if they worked behind a retail counter, we’d never see those walk socks!

Inhale, Exhale

birdciggytippiwhew! i got the cartoons drawn & the radio piece submitted. when church was over i just stayed home and relaxed. a couple of hours later jenny said, “let’s go for a sunday drive.” we meandered down 87th street and stopped at a turkish coffee shop along the way. other stops included shawnee mission park & desoto.

Kamikaze Cram Sessions

HSTworkspace the next 48 hours are going to feel like i’m cramming for college finals. jim mathis has commissioned me to draw cartoons for his next book called the camel and the eye of the needle. i read most of the book yesterday, and i’ll crank out some material for him today. then starting at noon tomorrow, i’ll be in a 24 hour race against other radio producers. it’s a contest to see who can write, edit, and produce the best 4 minute non-fiction piece for a santa monica radio station. when the dust clears in a couple of weeks, the winner will collect $1000.

From Bad To Worse

badelvifunny but painful, laughing through the hurt, side splitting nausea… those are the first phrases that come to mind when i think of bad elvis impersonators. i also imagine that they would be accompanied by theĀ portsmouth sinfonia aka the world’s worst orchestra. i can’t stop laughing… ow!

Number Neighbor

numberneighbormy number neighbor reached out to me on monday. if you’re wondering what that means, it’s this: someone out there has my phone number, except for the last digit, and they texted me. so if my phone number ended in 4461, my number neighbor would be 4460. when i asked a few folks at the coffeehouse if they had received a similar text, one guy said “yeah,” and showed me a picture of a cat that his number neighbor had sent him. the screenshot above is how my exchange went. i guess i could have been friendlier.

The Eye Of The Beholder

datsunhere’s what happened. jenny’s cousin kathy said, “dave if you want a cold beer, there’s a ‘frig in the garage where you can get one.” when i saw this old datsun in their garage, i immediately wanted a picture of it. i could’ve done a standing pose outside of it, or even sat in the driver’s seat– but i went for this one instead. kathy let me borrow a 1973 chilton’s manual, and jenny took the photo. kathy’s husband ed is going to fix it up, but i like the rough look it has right now. during the weekend we saw some really cool cars at eddies rod & custom shop, but this is the one i’m going to remember.

“I’ll Stop The World…”

spaceinvaders“…and melt with you.” that’s what modern english sang in the movie, valley girl. whenever i hear that song, time sort of stops, but if i really want to stop time, all i have to do is play an old arcade game. i used to drive to places like tapcade, 1984, and arkadia retrocade– now, thanks to my friend hoovie, i just flip a switch on my own personal arcade machine! when space is invaded, and a donkey’s last name is “kong,” time has slowed down to my speed.

Old Radio Detectives Never Die

PatNovakif hard boiled eggs could talk they would sound like sam spade, philip marlowe, barry craig, and pat novak. these are the old radio detectives that jenny & i listen to at bedtime. when there’s a late night jazzy horn section, followed by a weary savvy intro read by jack webb, there’s gonna be a 1930′s-40′s noir-ish dialogue that never stops sounding cool. here’s what he sounded like before he was joe friday on dragnet:
“She was wearing a V-neck sweater, and the designer believed in using capital letters.”
“She turned and walked out of there. It was the kind of the walk that makes you flip the calendar and find out how far away spring is.”
“She sauntered in, moving slowly from side to side like 118 pounds of warm smoke.”
“He was about the size of a golf bag with arms. If he had a cigar box, he could see over a pool table.”
“Calm down before you wind up in a boy’s choir.”
“He was draped over the curb like a tired carpet. And if his suit was a brighter yellow, he could have passed for a loading zone.”
“The sky was the color of a bruised spot on a man’s arm.”
“The room was full of taboo.”
“The street was as deserted as a warm bottle of beer.”