Monthly Archives: April 2025

First I saw the album cover and I went “whoa!” Then I saw the tracks with artists like David Bowie, Peter Schilling, Nena, Siouxsie & the Banshees and I went “WHOAAA!!!!”  Yep, this is good walking, driving, washing dishes music. Atomic Blonde is a 2017 action thriller movie set in 1989, and listening to the soundtrack while eating a jolly rancher is a trip back in time.

This vacant lot is on the northwest corner of 39th and Rainbow.  It used to have a convenience store with an Arkanoid video game inside.  I know this because I used to ride my skateboard there to catch a bus that would take me to work.  It also used to have a bar.  My old band, Ship of Fools, played there in the 90′s and my grandmother came to see me the first night I played rhythm guitar in front of bar patrons– not in the privacy of my living room.  I drive past this vacant lot every weekday.  An elephant never forgets.

It’s overcast outside, but the clouds can’t be THAT thick– I can see the sun reflecting off car hoods & windshields.  The cloud cover must be a thin veneer, like a cloth stretched so tight you can almost see through it, like a nylon stocking pulled over a criminal’s head.  His face is under there somewhere, but it’s so distorted no one can identify him.  The sun is behind those clouds somewhere too.

Gabe is a sales rep that brings treats to the clinic. Today he told us there were donuts in the break room. Now I need a donut like I need another chin, but it was cloudy, I had hot coffee, and it seemed like the only thing missing was the perfect donut.  As I walked toward the break room I thought:
“maybe this donut will be the one to make my eyes roll back in ecstasy”
“maybe this donut will be the one to give me super powers”
“maybe this donut will be the one to take me back to 1982″
“maybe this donut will be the one to inspire my next art project”

When one of Rumi’s disciples asked him, “What is fear?”  Rumi answered that it is “non-acceptance of uncertainty.  If we accept that uncertainty, [fear] becomes adventure.”  Sometimes the online meetings I attend get disrupted by Zoom bombers.  I used to watch for suspicious names & be paranoid when someone wouldn’t mute themselves– but their camera would stay off.  That’s something bombers do right before they start interrupting a meeting with profanities and disturbing images.  I’ve realized with the help of other recovery friends that this isn’t something to fear, I can expel someone who is being inappropriate, and it is beautiful when everyone says the serenity prayer together after the event, and the meeting continues as we share our experience, strength, and hope.  It becomes the stuff of adventure.

When I was a kid I got birthday spanks, one for every year since I’d been born, and then an extra one “to grow on.”  There’s even a home movie of my Uncle Jerry spanking me when I was 5.  I’m flailing on his lap (probably hamming it up for the camera), and his “spanks” aren’t landing very hard.  I joke about it now when it’s someone’s birthday, and ask them “how many birthday spanks are you getting this year?”  I know full well that no one is spanking the birthday girl or boy.  It always feels like an outdated question to ask, like “where is the nearest pay phone?”

I’m still equal, and this equality is giving me a strength and clarity I’ve never had before. When I am mindful of myself and my relationship to my Higher Power, I have healthy interactions with everybody else no matter what behaviors and actions they display. I carry a jigsaw puzzle piece to remind myself that I am equal to everyone around me. It’s one more tool I can use on my recovery journey. Breathe in, breathe out.

The eagles have landed!  The last few days I’ve been watching an eagle family on YouTube.  Sometimes one parent is there, sometimes both of them are there, but the eaglets are always there.  The Friends of Big Bear Valley made this viewing possible.  When I watch nature play out like this, it’s a reminder of how much I don’t control in the world, and how beautiful it is.  The Friends of Big Bear Valley recently named the eaglets Sunny & Gizmo, and they are growing with every fish & fowl meal their parents bring up to the nest.  Click here to watch with me.

Now THIS is guerilla art.  We didn’t know it was there until we were just a few feet away from it.  There was no warning.  The tree bearing bicycle fruit was waiting in silence like the tree that helped Sir Isaac discover gravity.

“Have you heard the news?  There’s good rockin’ tonight!”
-Roy Brown 1947
I was texting my buddy, E-Rock, Saturday morning.  We were sharing our experience, strength, and hope with each other.  I sent him a Lucinda Williams song, he sent me these cool pics, and now you know how he got his name!