Birthday Spanks

When I was a kid I got birthday spanks, one for every year since I’d been born, and then an extra one “to grow on.”  There’s even a home movie of my Uncle Jerry spanking me when I was 5.  I’m flailing on his lap (probably hamming it up for the camera), and his “spanks” aren’t landing very hard.  I joke about it now when it’s someone’s birthday, and ask them “how many birthday spanks are you getting this year?”  I know full well that no one is spanking the birthday girl or boy.  It always feels like an outdated question to ask, like “where is the nearest pay phone?”