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Sometimes I push back against the ‘out with the old, in with the new’ mindset – even though I know everything runs out of time eventually.  Until my mechanic told me that the frame had a year left on it, I thought my truck would outlive me.  I liked driving my old truck and manually shifting gears, but a few days ago it made some sounds that were a cause for concern.  Thursday night I sold my trusty 2002 Toyota Tundra truck to a stranger with cash.  He didn’t care that the frame was rusted and creaking.  We shook hands, I signed the title over to him, and later that night I looked outside and didn’t see my truck parked there anymore.

Every tenth birthday I feel like an imposter.  I know I’m older.  I look at myself in the mirror every day when I brush my teeth, but every slight change is so gradual that it’s deceiving.  Then one day I’m saying “when did THAT age spot become so visible?”  I am 60 years old today.  Ten years ago Jenny threw a big party for my 50th birthday and said “Dave is golden.”  I remember thinking ‘this is probably the last party of this sort.’  I knew I wasn’t old enough to be considered a senior citizen, but I was getting close.  Ten years before that my coffeehouse kids filled our car with Geritol, and teased me about being ‘over the hill.’  The night before I turned 30 I got drunk with Eddie Delahunt, and didn’t really sober up until the next day.  I know that I’m not going to live forever and every 10 years feels like a wake-up call.  It’s real easy to think about people and places that aren’t around me anymore.  My melancholy reflection can turn into a stupor.  My sister calls me ‘Eeyore’ when I get like this – or at least she did that one time.  Despite the changes in life, and my differences with people I love, I feel more confident and connected than ever – even more than when I turned 20 on Lake Olathe.  That night I was surrounded by college friends by a campfire while a battery powered boombox played ‘Your Love’ by the Outfield.

I didn’t realize that it’s been 7 years since I posted something on my dad’s birthday.  He would have been 82 today.  This grief journey is a gift, and I am blessed to be on it.

I just read about a nutritious cereal that came out the same year I was born.  According to The Retroist, and the Tacoma News Tribune, Product 19 was made up of “crisp, bubbly flakes blended from 4 nutritious grains.”  Most of the other cereals at the time were filled with fat and cholesterol.  It was probably the healthy angle that kept this cereal off my radar and out of our kitchen all those years.  Product 19 stayed on grocery shelves until 2016.

Every year when May 19 rolls around, Steely Dan’s “Hey Nineteen” gets played if you spend any time in my company.  I’m pretty sure my friend, Kitch, told me about it years ago.  He also has a Festivus pole.

“…had someone been here to answer the phone you would have heard nature’s snap crackle pop buzzing in the background, so now this automated message will pause for a moment so those sounds can come to the fore (pause for effect).”  I was listening to the pond station through my headphones on wavefarm.org today to keep my sanity.  You can’t have too many microphones in the forest in my opinion.

The honesty, uncertainty, and ensuing faith expressed in this prayer are attributes that I can align myself with.
“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

Chicago, Philadelphia, Houston, and Dallas have canceled their Cinco de Mayo parades this year.  According to Newsweek, “organizers [are] citing concerns about immigration enforcement.”  I guess you can’t have ICE raids and eat your tacos too.