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One of my favorite radio shows is taking submissions from listeners about their most embarrassing moments. Last night I put on my writer’s hat and emailed this story:
I was a teleprompter/promo writer at a local CBS affiliate when an old friend asked me to give a presentation at our old junior high school. He was the Guidance Counselor, and was in charge of booking speakers for Career Day. He was calling a few classmates and asking us all to come back to our old school and talk about the careers we had chosen. A few weeks after our conversation I lost my job and I called him back to cancel. He said something like, “No, don’t cancel. I think it would be a good idea if the kids see the potential risks of going into that field.” He knew that I had worked at a couple of radio stations before getting this particular job, and he figured that another gig would be around the corner. I bought a cheap pair of jeans and wore a shirt with a collar for the presentation. I ran the outline of what I was going to talk about by my friend to see what he thought. I would tell the kids about my past jobs in radio and TV. I would also bring my guitar and tell them what it was like to play in a band. “As long as you don’t drop your pants or talk about Jesus it will be fine,” my friend said. The kids caught on pretty fast that I was an out of work radio/tv guy and started giggling and whispering among themselves. I pulled up a barstool and grabbed my guitar to keep their interest and sat down to play some tunes and talk about being in a band. That in itself was an awkward attempt at keeping their attention, but what I didn’t know at the time was that my cheap pair of jeans had split open in the crotch. Sitting on the barstool, my exposed underwear was at eye level with the students. I spoke to 3 different groups that day and didn’t know what happened until I sat down while visiting my mother. That’s when I noticed the hole in my crotch. My friend called me the next day. Apparently all the kids were talking about the guy who was out of work but still gave a presentation on Career Day with his white underwear showing through the crotch hole in his jeans.

After reading yesterday’s blog post, Hoovie sent me this text:
“You’re right this is the last day of the beginning of the end of 2021, tomorrow though, WOW… it’s the 183rd day in the year 2021 of our Lord… .but think, the Gregorian  manner of date tracking was created in 1582, by a Pope as a modification to the Julian calendar created by Julius Caesar, from a Roman calendar.  Thinking of this reminds me of King James rearranging the Old testament to HIS liking,  adding mental graphics to spruce, interpret and rearrange up the words of God. As odd as that sounds its as truthful as I understand it to be as to my point, if we believe the preachings of Kenton Beshore we have only days until the rapture this year, making this calendar year a bit shorter…. Enjoy the day and save all your coinage, there may be a pinball machine right around the corner… “

On the edge of June, at the brink of July, the calendar page is ready to flip. Doing the math I just realized that this year is closer to the end than the beginning now. If June is the 6th month and December is the 12th, we are going past the tipping point and the contents are getting ready to spill out. All of the fluid, all of the angst, all of the coins in the jar, all of that stuff is going to fall out now before it dips back into the well and starts its way back up again. It is pretty early to be thinking so metaphorically. Maybe it’s just another month.

It is too easy to overthink a situation and try to figure out all the possible outcomes while a present moment slips away.  My best experiences have happened when I was only aware of what was happening around me, and not concerned about the future or the past.  This morning in my bible I read “you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, [and] gracious.”  I took the apostle at his word today, and when I started thinking about things I can’t control I thought “what is true? What is noble? What is reputable, authentic, and compelling?”  My knee jerked and I thought of campfire stories, nostalgic arcade games, and new-found songs.  With a little luck and patience the list will grow, I just need to keep watering it.

This is what happens when time gets away from me and I don’t make a blog post for a few days.  My brain turns into a crowded warehouse that starts filling up with unrecorded stories that resemble envelopes stuffed with bills, junkmail, cards, and letters.  I think the nearest woman up there is reaching for one about Hoovie this weekend.  We played pinball, drank beers, and found some cool treasures in the West Bottoms.   

A “sliver of time” seems like a good description of a moment that stays under my skin for awhile.  A good memory is like this.  Unlike a sliver of wood I don’t mind if it stays in there.  We made a trip to Lincoln and Omaha to see Marijo and Andi last weekend.  Jenny and I walked around the Benson neighborhood with Andi, and we walked to the Sunken Gardens with Marijo.  The weather was perfect for walking and making good memories.

Bedrock isn’t smooth. There are rocks in there and it can get bumpy.  I’ll be honest and tell you that parts of learning my new job feel like road construction.  The cerebral highway crews in my brain are directing traffic as they build the roads and bridges.  Each day I am putting down another layer of knowledge, but right now I’m driving on bedrock, and I still need to go the speed limit and ask for directions.

You know the times they are a-changin’ when Bob Dylan turns 80.  I didn’t realize this momentous occasion was rearing its bald head until WUMB started playing a bunch of Bob Dylan songs.  If he has 80 candles on his cake, he’ll need something blowin’ in the wind to put them out.  Once that feat is accomplished he can party like a rolling stone.

No one died, but one woman fell by the elevator.  When she got up and walked away, we all knew she was okay.  It was a good first day.  I checked in a few patients, and when they were done I scheduled them for their next appointment.  As far as I can tell that is going to be the bulk of my workload most of the time.  Thankfully my co-workers are there to help.  There are a lot ins and outs that I’ll need to learn, but it seems like everyone is happy that I’m there… and if I’m honest I guess I am too.

…you’re out of pier, and it’s time to jump in the lake.  The official training is over.  My job starts today.  Each classroom session felt like a board on a pier and now it’s time to take the plunge.  My department head told me I wouldn’t hit the ground running today, but I know there will be times that feel like cold water on my skin.  What else can I say except– Geronimo!