“Indy, why does the floor move?” That’s the question Sallah asked Indiana Jones before they realized the floor was covered with snakes. Thankfully my breakfast booth isn’t teeming with snakes from Raiders of the Lost Ark, but it is covered with faces in formica. A few days ago this mutant penguin gave me the ‘side eye.’ He appears to be in a bad mood and in need of dental work. I’ll call him Bucky. 
BEEP GOES THE VIDEO
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Yea I think I see him. But why do you call him a penguin? Altho he does look like some kind of an animal, I can’t say what. I feel sorry for him or it!